˜ "I'm not originally from here. I'm from Indiana and I moved out here because I had a really big dream. I always wanted to be a part of the film and television industry and Indiana doesn't have a whole lot to offer when it comes to that. I was working a kind of miserable job as a secretary. It was two years post-grad and then my friend who worked in the industry called me up and said, 'Hey, come work this next gig with me.' A week prior to that I had a full blown panic attack in front of my boss because she asked me where I saw myself going in the company, which I didn't see myself going anywhere, so I put my two weeks notice in and got a one way ticket out here.
I've always just been really passionate about the way film can change people's ideas and broaden their horizons. You know, there is a lot of crap that gets put out, but I still want to believe and really strongly believe that people still create content that matters. That's super idealized, but maybe i'm just not jaded yet.
I wish that I was a little bit more bold to be able to do things and ideas that I have in my head, but I'm not there yet. I hold myself back quite a bit actually, so it's kind of silly that I've been able to do things as bold as moving across the country, but other smaller things I can't seem to bring myself to do. Probably a lot of fear. A lot of fear holds me back. A lot of anxiety. My parent's biggest concern was that I was going to have a meltdown out here and not have anyone here to soothe me, but this whole past year of working in the industry, you have to develop a really tough skin. Even though I'm hypersensitive, I've definitely grown up and developed a harder skin. That's not always a bad thing, but it's kind of funny because I feel like sometimes people mistake me being sweet or polite as weakness because out here you have to be hard and tough, but I don't really want to change that part of me." ˜
For most of us, in one way or another, fear has presented itself as an immovable obstacle. We each come to our realization differently, but fear is just a mental construct that we set before ourselves. Once we can recognize fear, step by it and overcome it, the sooner we will be able to experience life to its fullest potential. I admire Caitlin for making the move out to California to pursue her dream and also for having the courage to remain true to herself and not let the pressures of her environment change her. Follow her on Instagram: @cnbedwe
Sidecar Donuts / Santa Monica, CA